Kind of a big deal.

I've been asked, over and over and over some more, "Is Kaelyn walking yet?" or "Why isn't Kaelyn walking yet?" and the only answer I can ever give is this, "We have no idea! She was born breech, had a loose hip, she was a late crawler (at 10 1/2 - 11 months) and she also has a chromosomal anomaly."

So it could be any of those reasons, or one of those reasons, or none of those reasons. We truly don't know which of those, if ANY of those reasons is the true reason. I can honestly say that it breaks my heart to see my healthy, happy, NORMAL child compared to every other child. I write this with tears in my eyes and hope in my heart. Tears for my daughter and knowing that we have no idea what is in store for her, for us, for our future. Hope for a life lived as perfectly as she is in our eyes. A life of her own making.

We take EVERY day as it comes, never borrowing trouble and living life as if there was no such thing as partial trisomy 21. I wake up each day refusing to give in to the fear of the unknown and the anxiety of letting your mind wander to every "worst case scenario". I can easily go days at a time without thinking about Partial Trisomy 21. I can go days without SAYING anything about it. And most days that works. But it only holds out so long and then she has an appointment at 17 months for an extra hearing test, or we take her to have her eyes dilated so we can check as early as possible for any vision issues or she can simply get tired and cranky and her eyes just look so much more different than me as a baby, or Jeremy as a baby. The almond shape is so much more prevalent when she is fighting the end of the day and refuses to give in to sleep.

I try to live my life as a mother as normal as possible until I get questions about the shape of her eyes, why she isn't walking, what is partial trisomy 21? Why does she have an occupational therapist? What is "Birth to 3"? Why are you having her eyes/hearing tested? Why do you take her to St. Paul for extra check ups?

It is usually the well meaning person trying to understand, to make heads or tails of the information I am more than willing to share with them. It can be a family member, asking out of hopeful curiosity. The hardest part is that, if you didn't know enough to look at the subtle almond shape of her eyes, You would NEVER KNOW. And I know that because I have told people about Kaelyn's partial T-21 and they say "But she doesn't look like she has anything wrong with her!" and my heart breaks. Just because she has a chromosomal anomaly doesn't mean she is defective! She is simply different. I want to scream and pound my hands on their chest that she is a NORMAL CHILD! She smiles and laughs and melts your heart just like any other child. She loves to swing at the park, crawl through the grass and smiles when the wind ruffles her hair. Just because they aren't "normal" by societal standards, there MUST be something visibly wrong, right? WRONG.

My greatest hope is that someone out there might stumble upon this blog and think "I am not alone." I hope that somehow, this will chronicle her triumphs and her failures and prove to the world and to everybody that she is normal. She may do great things, and maybe not. She might climb a mountain or become a lawyer, and she just may be an "Average Joe". Even "normal" people are compared to each other and held to a standard that they may or may not ever live up to. Is that really fair? Everybody lives their life differently. It's our personal experiences that make us one-of-a-kind masterpieces. I ran across a quote this week that really put my hopes and dreams for Kaelyn into words.

"God gives us dreams a size too big so that we can grow in them. "

~ Unknown

Kaelyn may be small, and she may or may not have many hurdles against her. But how will we EVER know if we set the bar low and expect little? How will she ever have the confidence to achieve her greatest if people are constantly questioning and examining her every move and not giving her the space to be her own person?

I sure hope that the next time you see someone who looks different, sounds different, acts different, please take a second to rethink a snap judgement. That is someone's son or daughter. That person is someone's brother or sister. That person has lived a life different from yours but that makes it no less in God's eyes. That person has had struggles and triumps and deserves a chance to be judged fairly. So please, take a second before you ask that question of a mother or father who has been asked so many times. Please take a second before you judge a person and think poorly. We have no idea.